i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
