how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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