I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
