And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
