shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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