I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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