so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My cat gives me a boner
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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