Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
