If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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