just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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