You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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