You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
