I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
