So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
