It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
