I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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