You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
