Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
