The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
