What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
