We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
