WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
