I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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