Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
