omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
