My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
