i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
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Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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