I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
