1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
