I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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