It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
