Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
