sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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