im six kinds of drunk right now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
