So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need a beard to bite.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
