Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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