this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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