What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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