If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize