I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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