Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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