you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
