I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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