I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
