you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
