dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
