You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
