I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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