can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
