Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
