U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
