in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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