I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
