dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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