Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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