Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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