I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
