Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
