did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
