Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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