Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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