There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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