i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
