I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
